Another weekend..

I woke up today realizing it was, yet again, another Saturday. I was supposed to return back to work this past Thursday. I recently had to make the decision to take off of work for the rest of the school year. This was a difficult choice for me considering I enjoy working and my career. I have worked since I was 14.  I like to keep busy and working makes me feel as if I am accomplishing something in my day. I also enjoy the interaction with my coworkers at work. This within itself has been hard to let go of for the time being. The weeks seem to be coming and going and  it is starting to get a little harder realizing that Jacob is not making much progression developmentally. As a parent you look forward to watching your child grow, develop, explore their world. With Jacob it is as if time is standing still. We have a couple good days where he is calmer, eating decent, and sleeping decent. Then we have several more days where you feel that he took two steps back. He is fussy, more rigid with his muscle tone, and sleeping worse. It has been getting harder going out to and seeing families with little ones. I tear up when I see siblings playing with each other in a shopping cart or at a restaurant. Or something as simple as seeing mothers carrying their babies around in a sling makes me emotional because Jacob cannot tolerate one with his tone. Jacob's life is so different. He may never reach the milestones that some of these babies have already reached at 6, 7, 8 months old. It hurts more when I think of Dominic and how he will never be able to run around, wrestle, or ride bikes with his little brother like many other siblings do. I guess with the warmer weather leaving us and the dreary fall approaching it has shifted my moods with everything. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that we are fortunate to have Jacob as our son, it has just been difficult accepting this new way of life.